Monday, January 6, 2014

Babies Your First Year Of Marriage

*This post is soley MY OPINION, not based on scripture, experience (personal experience), yet a great deal of observation.*

I'd like to first start off this post by reminding my readers that my posts are usually inspired by a number of factors and are typically not related to one person/couple I know. So just incase it seems like I'm referring to you, I'm probably not.

Ok that's done... Let's chat.

So, of course as soon as you walk off the altar from saying I do everyone starts asking when you are going to have babies as if there is a checklist of things to do once you get married... But I have a STRONG opinion regarding waiting to make babies if it's humanly possible and not against what YOU believe.

I personally don't think a couple should have children their first year of marriage because typically your first year is the biggest adjustment period. You've gone from seeing this person maybe a few days a week to EVERYDAY, you're seeing how they live, their expectations of you and themselves as well as all those things you never knew existed have now smacked you in the face.

I think it's very wise to take some time with your new spouse to learn one another, iron out some kinks, because believe me there will be kinks and not subject a child to all of that. 

Not to mention Money and Responsibilities. I'll just speak personally, my first week in the house God began dealing with me regarding my role and his expectations of me as a wife and some of these things I was like... Pardon me, do what?!? We had to battle a little bit, then I had to get adjusted to the idea of Gods request and do it effortlessly without complaining... Not an easy task. Then trying to do what I do daily outside of the marriage and then because I'm currently at home, i now had to figure out what and when to cook... Because he prob doesn't wanna eat Spinach and Tilapia salads everyday!! Lol

So when we talked about having children and when my mind went to: 1) What are our finances currently like and will it be a major adjustment to go from two houses to 1. 2) Do we have good health insurance, because all those doctors appointments before and after the baby can break any household down!! 3) Are we ready for the responsibilities of caring for another person and how much attention will be devoted to them vs to one another. Sounds kinda selfish, but let's be realistic as a newlywed couple you can pretty much do whatever you want when you want with no extra responsibilities, but with a child you are subject to them at all times. 

I had to ask myself this over and over before having our conversation and pray to God because deep down I didn't want to hinder anything God was trying to do. Eventually, we decided to wait due to some of these factors and more. 

As I talk to some engaged peeps I realize that some of these conversations are not being had, or the woman is sooo focused on the fact that he wants kids ASAP that they're not considering ok what do I want and what's best for us. 

Now don't get me wrong I am not knocking anyone... This is soley the opinion of me and we all know were entitled to our OWN opinions and plus this is my blog! Lol I'm just saying that over the years I have seen MANY couple marry and either have or not have kids their first year of marriage and for those that didn't they usually were able to grasp marriage a little better with being able to focus on two vs three. 

So my advice to those of you that are me gaged to be married in 2014 or 2015 take a long look at the idea of kids early on and have an honest talk with your spouse about the idea.... If it appears that you guys believe this is best them Praise God, but don't not talk about this and just let things happen. Life is worth the planned ATTEMPT (and I say attempt because God is God no matter what) so I believe talking about this honestly with your spouse will really bless you.

If you choose to have kids GREAT, if God chooses for you to have kids GREAT, but don't be afraid to talk about waiting a little while. 

I love children, I just need some to figure out what in the world marriage is now that I'm in it, my role and walking it out as well as how in the world to love my spouse as we are always evolving. 

1 comment:

  1. Great post! Me & my hubz have been married 3 years no kids yet and we had that concersation too & decided to wait while we got to know each other & enjoy our time alone till we feel ready. We are ready now, & have started planning to have kids next year. Its a very important topic that should form part of pre-marital counselling.