4 Tips To Enjoy The Holidays After Divorce

The holidays are coined as the most wonderful time of the year, but for someone that has been through a divorce it can be the absolute worst. From It’s a Wonderful Life on television to Mariah Carey’s Christmas album playing in every single store from Thanksgiving to Christmas, as a divorcee it can be force you to be overly emotional.

I’ll never forget my first holiday season, I was miserable; away from my family and to be honest depressed. I made a decision that I would never go through the holidays feeling that way ever again.

These 4 tips have truly saved my life.

  • Connect with a group of people that truly love you

Whom you spend the holidays with can truly impact your emotions. If being around your personal family includes a lot of negativity, confusion and the typical fighting, then for this holiday season you may need to connect with a friend. I decided to buy thanksgiving for a family I knew that was in need, of whom were a joy to be around. They never brought up the divorce or made me feel like I was an outsider. I truly felt like they were my family and that I was loved.

  • Avoid parties where your ex-spouse will be in attendance

The last thing you want to experience during the holidays is your spouse at a party full of people. I’m not encouraging you to avoid them and miss out on parties you absolutely love attending to hurt you, but to help you. During this season, your emotions will be all over the place due to the memories you have with your ex, the music, television shows etc. Also, depending on how your marriage ended, running into your ex-spouse may be a war waiting to happen. You don’t want to have someone else’s party ruined with a fight, or have to deal with surprisingly seeing your ex with a new love interest.

  • Establish a plan with your ex for the kids

If you have children with your ex, try to establish a plan BEFORE the holidays begin to avoid negatively effecting your children. Its hard enough for adults to deal with divorce, the last thing you want to do is force your children to choose between you or your spouse for the holidays. My advice is work out an alternating plan, where you have them for Thanksgiving and they have them for Christmas or vice versus.

  • HAVE FUN ON PURPOSE

The holidays are typically a happy time in our country. CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY! For the parties you are choosing to attend, ask how you can help the organizer so that you are involved with the planning. Also, buy a new outfit or for the fellas a new blazer or cologne and get fancy on purpose. If you drink alcohol, DON’T DRINK  UNTIL YOU ARE DRUNK, thats just a catastrophe waiting to happen. Dance to the music, smile at strangers, play with the kids, eat the cookies and for THAT moment, BE IN THE MOMENT.

The holidays don’t have to be a death sentence just because you are now divorced, it can really be a therapeutic experience on your road to healing.

The $400,000 Divorce

I’ll never forget sitting on my hotel bed in disbelief that I only had a few hundred dollars in my account with no place to go. My friends and the families  had placed me in a hotel for 3 weeks in hopes that I could find a quick place to live. My annual salary was approximately $22,500 and my car was on the brink without heat.

I was in a hopeless situation and I KNEW it.

You see, I’ve always been a big fan of marriage; committed to being faithful to my spouse til death do us part and expected the same, but unfortunately that wasn’t my reality. I had a few choices to make: 1. give up and move back to Kentucky with my family, 2. plead with my spouse for change or 3. pick myself up and restart my life. My hotel stay was going to expire in a few days so I made the decision to search apartment listings and pray. I knew that my God loved me, had always been there for me and desired to be there for me now.

I found a place that was exactly what I was looking for, in the perfect price range and in just the nick of time….. here was where the rubber would meet the road.

Earning $22,500 a year was not going to sustain my newly single life, give me the finances to file for divorce or assist me with counseling, of which I was desperately in need of, so it was time use every skill &  every ounce of faith to restart my life. I took a partner job paying the exact same amount and started applying for positions with the potential of earning $45,000+. Within 4 months I was able to land a job earning $100,000 a year, which afforded me to purchase a brand new car and everything I lost during the divorce.

I was introduced to a network marketing opportunity and in just 18 months I was able to earn over $150,000 while at the same time I launched my branding and consulting firm generating over $150,000 in 12 months.

Yielding the $400,000 divorce.

Im constantly asked, how I was I able to go from $22,500 a year, living in a hotel, emotionally distraught from an unexpected divorce to over $400,000 in less than 2 years, and my honest answer is, when you know WHY you are doing it, the how takes care of itself.

You see I was hurting, badly, but I was also desperate. I knew that no one was going to be able to financially take care of me, winter was coming and my car didn’t have heat, I didn’t have furniture in my new apartment and I needed professional counseling. My why was so much bigger than the how.

I saw 3 amazing opportunities presented before me, I possessed the skills from all of my years in sales, branding and marketing to be successful, my only challenge was the pain I was feeling in my heart. I made the decision to break down emotionally in the morning before work, the afternoon during my lunch break, once a week in counseling and every night on my way to bed. Instead of bottling up my feelings, I expressed them and all other hours of the day I would spend on my job or on my new business opportunities.

Honestly, I was relentless because I had to, not because I wanted to. I needed to make sure that my financial life was stable since the rest of my life was not and as a result, the $400,000 divorce emerged.