Forgiving the Unforgivable

 Forgiveness is so hard. 

I don’t care who you are. You could be Mother Teresa. You could be a monk, you can be whomever. 

The only person it is not hard for is to God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. 

It is hard especially when someone hasn’t apologized, they will not apologize. Or when they continue to do a thing. It’s even harder.

However, we do have to figure out how to forgive a person because when we don’t forgive, a lot of stuff happens. 

This is not gonna be the funnest article because we’re talking about the F word, which is forgiveness.

I don’t know about you, but I’m not someone who really enjoys having to forgive people. 

I’m just being honest. 

I’m not someone who really enjoys having to forgive people, especially when they hurt you or when they intentionally hurt you or when they just have not apologized.

So, it’s a challenge, right? 

This article is how to Forgive the Unforgivable. And this does not come with the perfect solution, like I got all the answers, because I’m human. I’m like everybody else. 

When someone hurts me, someone offends me, I’m sitting looking at them and like say, “You got five seconds or I’m going to punch you”

I’m just telling you those feelings that I have when someone does something, especially when it’s really hurtful. 

But one of the things that we know about the Bible is that the Bible tells us that we have to forgive. 

And so one of the things I always like to do is to go on Google and search.

And here is the first thing that comes up when you search for forgiveness. 

In the Bible it says, “And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”

Also in Ephesians 4:32, it says, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you right” 

In addition, in the Bible, it talks about that before you take communion, make sure that you forgive those that you need to forgive. 

Also, the Bible talks about if we want to be forgiven by God, we have to first forgive others.

So that’s easier said and done. 

It’s easy for us to read the scripture that says, forgive others as Christ forgives you. 

It’s easy for us to read the Bible where it says ask for forgiveness before you give an offering or before you take communion or whatever.

It’s easy. 

So outside of those moments with God, you’re still in this moment in time with a certain person, and these people have done X,Y, and Z. 

And you may say that this act is unforgivable. 

So for example, I’ve heard some people that say it’s unforgivable. Talk about murder when someone murders someone.

I can only imagine. I have never had someone in my family be murdered and it won’t in Jesus’ name. 

I have not had someone be raped or that hasn’t happened to me. It won’t be in Jesus’ name. 

I haven’t had some of these craziest things that people have done to other people.

I have not had them right now. What I have had is betrayal. 

And for me, the ultimate betrayal was my ex-husband being unfaithful. 

And before I ever knew all that was going on years ago, my thing was always the only reason why I would divorce is for infidelity and that I would not be able to forgive that person if he chose to cheat on me.

Until that time came about, I was in love with him. I committed my life to him. 

And so when I found out he was cheating, I was caught in this thing where I would like, “I want this person and I know because I am a Christian, I know what the Bible says, I have to forgive him” 

First of all, in my mind, I was like “Forgive him. He is your husband” 

But also I was like, “If he and I are gonna be able to make it through this, I’m gonna have to figure out how to forgive him. But I also knew in the Bible that if you don’t forgive him, it’s going to eat you alive”

And so I’m trying to go through the motions of all the things. 

But I remember, he just wasn’t even admitting he was doing it. He never apologized to me. 

And there was a time when I was writing lines in my journal. And the lines I would say is “God helped me to forgive even if he never apologizes”

I still have that journal. 

And I would say, “God helped me to forgive even if he never apologizes” 

And I would write that every single day so that I could forgive him because I knew that I wasn’t used to him apologizing in general. 

So I knew that he wasn’t gonna apologize for that. I wasn’t sure, but I didn’t think so.

But even still, I just was kind of going through the motions. 

Now, here’s the moment where I had the biggest thing. 

It was a couple years later, where I was with a mentor. 

We were going through this process of healing and all that.

And she was just like, “you’ve gotta forgive the women that he cheated on you with” 

And I was like, “NO! For What? I don’t know them” 

And I started to realize that some of that was eating me alive. 

And then not only that, I started thinking about my childhood and my dad. 

Because my mom has a lot of issues and He was just like, “Okay, great. I’m just gonna go ahead and go. You take care of whatever. I’ll just pay y’all support” 

And I think that the older I started to get, the more I started to be bitter and resentful and angry towards my dad. 

I started going to therapy and all that, and realizing that some of my present day issues were from childhood wounds. 

And so all the anger and all this stuff just started coming up for me. 

And I just couldn’t figure out how to forgive him because he had never even admitted anything or just all this stuff. And I started to realize how much it was affecting me.

Like it wasn’t allowing me to love other people. It wasn’t allowing other people to really love me. 

And most people couldn’t see it, but I knew that it was eating me alive on the inside.

I recently met someone who was talking about, “No, that is unforgivable” 

And the more they kept talking, you just kept hearing how angry they were at everyone.

But this person had no idea just how miserable they were because of all the unforgiveness. 

And so we started to just have this conversation with the person being like, “Hey, so do you understand what forgiveness is?” 

And the person said, “NO” 

And we’re just explaining like, “this is how you feel and this is your behavior as a result, and here’s what you need in between.”

And they were just like, “No, it is unforgivable” 

And we just kept going through this process, and so I just started sharing my journeys about my ex-husband, my mom, my dad, and all these journeys that I had to go on so I could heal and allow myself to love and be loved.  

And the person was like, “Oh my God”

I’m like, “Yeah, you’re holding your own self back by not forgiving them because you think that holding unforgiveness towards them is honorable. That it’s what you’re supposed to do, but it’s actually eating you alive.” 

And so when I think about you and how to forgive the unforgivable, the first thing you have to recognize is that this ain’t got nothing to do with the person.

It’s not about you having to go to the person that’s saying, “I forgive you.” 

You can if you want to, but you don’t have to. 

This is more so about you. You can go, “Here is what happened to me. Here’s what this person did, and then here is how it impacted me.” And then take a look at how it is also impacting you today.

So this could be something that happened a year ago, 5, 10, 20, however many years ago. But look at how it’s impacting you today. 

Is it causing you anxiety, worry, depression? Is it making you fearful? Is it making you untrusting of other people?

What is it actually doing to you? 

And then what you have to go through is you’re gonna have to go through this process of pouring out all of your anger. 

So here’s what I did and what I recommend people doing. 

A lot of times, we wanna post on social media, but don’t do that. 

One of my things was God asked me to write a letter to my dad. And I did. 

And I was just honest in a way that I had never been so honest with him. 

And then that was my first  real thing to my dad. But I was going through this process of first writing it all out in my journal unscripted. 

So I’m not someone who curses much today. 

Wrong circumstances, something can come out when you get really angry. But I’m not, it’s not a natural thing for me anymore. 

But back then when I was so mad, I wasn’t holding anything back. I just wrote exactly what I was feeling.

And I wrote every day until I didn’t have those feelings anymore. 

Because what I realized was that all of that was sitting like an elephant on my chest.  

And it wasn’t until I got all that stuff out that I felt light. 

So I remember when I was going through divorce and a prophet came to me and said, “I just see you journaling. God wants you to journal.”

I didn’t want a journal because it made it real for me. 

But I started to journal and what started happening was that I had this outlet. I no longer was calling or texting my friends or just overwhelmed with what was going on with me. 

I was just getting it out myself.

And then I looked up like six months later and I just felt so light. 

I wasn’t healed, but I was light. 

And it was because of all those feelings and things they were staying on the inside of me, I was able to really get those things out. 

And that’s why I’m so passionate about journaling today because life is life and I get to just get those things out. 

And so if you’re gonna be able to go through the process of forgiving the unforgivable, then one of the things you’re gonna have to do is you’re gonna have to have a creative outlet to get out how you feel. 

My encouragement is a journal, a physical journal that you can hide in your house.

That way, you have this space to do it and you’re not bagging people down. 

Also if you can, I would encourage you to get a therapist. Someone that’s specialized maybe on some of the trauma that you dealt with whatever the thing that happened to you.

So that way they’re able to help you with some different tools to be able to do that. 

But more importantly, outside of these tools, I really want you to give yourself this forgiveness. 

Because if this thing is sitting on your chest like a massive elephant that you don’t even know, it’s just always been there, then there’s gonna be a breakthrough for you when you actually release it.

Actually get this stuff out and you actually forgive them genuinely, and you’re able to continue going through this process. 

You’re gonna watch how you are gonna change. 

You’re gonna watch how you evolve and what you can allow in as a result, because right now, you probably aren’t letting something in because of what has happened to you.

But then this is gonna allow you to break open, to be able to allow what you actually want to have on the inside of you to be able to come in. 

It’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be painful. 

And you may find yourself becoming angrier through the process, but you’ve gotta have that outlet to be able to get out all that anger.

Because eventually, once all that stuff comes out and you’re able to literally forgive them, then you’ll be able to see them and it doesn’t affect you the way that it used to. 

I remember for the first year when all this stuff would come up with my ex-husband, I would always delete the memories of him or us. 

So that way I couldn’t see it because it was just so painful. 

And I would just kind of go through the forgiveness journey and healing journey and all that.

And I remember one year, I looked and I saw something and I said, “Oh, I don’t feel anything” 

And then another time, I had gone through this forgiveness journey, and it was like, I couldn’t listen to certain songs. I couldn’t eat certain foods because they were just so significant. 

And so I went and there was this song that we played at our wedding and I was like, “let me see how I feel listening to this song.” 

And I was like, “oh, I feel okay” And I like to dance to it. 

And I listen to it all the time now. 

And so it’s an amazing feeling when you go through that journey. 

It’s for us. Okay? 

And so if you say to yourself, there’s someone that you cannot forgive, you refuse to forgive, then you’re actually hurting you. 

It’s not about them. 

And again, it’s not about you making a public declaration saying you forgive them.

It’s not about you calling it. 

Listen, this is about you. 

If you choose to reach out to them at some point in time, that’s fine. 

You can, but you don’t have to. But this is all about you. 

Now, if you found this article valuable, please let me know. I would love to know whether it’s you writing a review or you commenting here, but I definitely want to know how you felt about this article.

Furthermore, going on a journey with God can prove to be one of the most amazing experiences of your life, but it can also prove to be a little confusing. 

And I want to walk alongside you and help you to not only fall more in love with Jesus than you are today, but truly discover all that lies within you. 

The bible identifies 25 different spiritual gifts that are still in operation today, and it may be surprising to you, but one or some may also lie within YOU!

We have created this simple quiz that is designed to be a guide for you. 

Take the quiz here and be sure to share it with your friends.