The benefits of waiting until marriage

 We all wanna have sex.

I know that, that is a way to start off this article, but it’s true.

I don’t care who you are.

Maybe God gives some people they don’t wanna have sex, but for most of us, In Jesus’ name, we wanna have sex.

I have been married before.

That means I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good, okay?

And so we all wanna do it.

But the Bible is very clear that he desires for us to wait to have sex until we get married for so many reasons.

And today I wanna tell you about five of the reasons why I feel like we’re supposed to wait to have sex until we get married.

I am so excited that you’re here for this article.

Now we’re talking about sex. Now y’all know I’m a Christian.

 Y’all know I love Jesus, but I also live here.

So everybody wants to do it for the most part, everybody wants to.

And God wants us to do it. He wants us to have sex. He wants us to procreate. He wants us to enjoy that in the sanctity of marriage.

But a lot of times we wanna have it now.

We don’t wanna wait until we get married to do it.

We’re talking about why you should wait to have sex till you get married.

And so I’ve got five points today, but first things first, what we always do, we go to Dr. Google and we type in what does God say about no sex before marriage?

So, I went to Google and I typed out sex before marriage Bible verse.

And a whole list of them came up.

So let me quote a couple of them.

 The first one is 1 Corinthians 7:1–40. 

And it says, “Now, concerning the things were of you wrote unto me. It is good for a man not to touch a woman” and I know we like not to touch a woman, but that’s kind of what I said on Google.

Next one is Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled, but hormones and adulterers will, God will judge.”

So then we have Ephesians 5:5, For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.”

Then we’ve got Exodus 22:16, “and if a man entices made that is not betrothed and lay with her, he shall surely endow her to be his wife.”

Meaning that if a man sleeps with a woman, he needs to go make her his wife.

But there’s so many other scriptures about waiting to have sex until getting married.

 So I’ll give you another one. Genesis 2:24, “Therefore, shall man leave his father and mother and shall Cleveland to his wife and they shall be one flesh after marriage.”

Here’s another one. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 flee fornication, “Every sin that a man don’t do with is without his body, but if he e that committed fornication sin against his own body.”

Then verse 19, “No, ye not the body. Your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost, which is in you. Which ye have of God and ye are not your own.”

Verse 20 “for ye are brought with the prize, therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are Gods.”

So basically what we’re going with today is 1 Corinthians 6:18 through 6:20.

 When I wrote down my points,I really was thinking, “What do I know about having sex before marriage? What do I know are the benefits? What do I know about the drawbacks of having sex before?”

And so let’s just let’s have a conversation.

One of the things that I know is that before I met my ex-husband, I had fooled around a lot.

But it was when I met my ex-husband that we had sex before marriage and I remember that first time I remember my hymen tearing, the blood and all the things.

I know it’s kind of graphic, but just hear me. I remember that. Very clearly, and he does too.

He was like, “oh, you really were a virgin.” 

“Yeah. Yes, sir.”

And all the things, Pandora’s Box just kind of opened up after that. I didn’t know Pandora’s Box was opening up, but that’s kind of when it all opened up.

Now, what do I know about dating and what it’s like without intimacy?

When you date, without ever having sex, like without ever seeing each other naked, you are forced to really just have these conversations with your partner that you wouldn’t normally have. 

I didn’t really know the phrase makeup sex until after I was married and I was like, “Oh, people get upset and then when they get upset they have sex.”

And I’m like, “Really? They don’t just talk about things?”

But I didn’t know it was a thing. And so there’s a lot, all these different things, that happen as it pertains to sex.

Let me kind of go into my little points and then we’ll go from there.

So the first thing that I wrote down is that, when you wait to have sex until you get married, you get to know your partner without sex clouding your judgment.

I have had so many people that were connected to me in life as friends that have said, “Oh my God, but the sex was so good, I could get past all the other stuff.”

I’m like, “So you could get past the fact that he had no job and that he didn’t know Christ. He wasn’t treating you well. He was very inconsistent. He just didn’t treat you in a way that showed you that he honored you, he loved you, he cared for you, he wanted you, you could get past all that because the sex was so good.”

It’s really interesting that we will do that.

But if you’re not doing that, if you’re not engaging in intimacy at that high of a level, then you’re able to make better judgments.

I had somebody that I was interested in, a nice person, nice guy.

Everybody that I knew, uh, doted on this person and loved this person.

I was like, “Oh, wow, this person seems absolutely amazing.”

So I started spending some time with this person, and this person seemed exactly like what everybody says.

But I started to see a little bit of red flags on, which was, this person feels inconsistent. 

This person feels very into themselves.

This person feels very elusive.

I didn’t really know what was happening with this person until I was giving to this person.

Now what? We weren’t dating or anything like that, but I was giving to this person just being me, being who I am.

 And then when I asked for something, not something physical, but help with something.

There was nothing. It was silence, as if I never asked for anything.

I thought that’s really interesting because I did this, this, this, this, and this to assist. And then when I asked for something that was a lot smaller than all those things, silence. 

Then the person came back and asked for something else and acted like I never asked for help with the thing.

I was just like, “That’s a red flag.”

But if I was intimate with this person, I may have pretended like all that didn’t happen.

But I was able to be early on like, “Nah, this is not the guy for me because this is just not how, I don’t treat myself like this.”

I don’t treat people like this and I don’t allow other people to treat me like that.

So I was able to be like, all right, a red flag. Gotta go.

And so it really allows you to get to know a person in a way that you just could not have gotten to know them if sex was on the table.

Even kissing is on the table because now you’re having to talk about everything.

The second reason why you wanna wait to have sex to get married is because you will have no soul ties and it’ll be easier for you to walk away if need be. 

A lot of people don’t really realize what happens with soul ties.

So here you are with your awesomeness and then your non awesomeness right here.

This person is with their awesomeness and their non awesomeness.

And if this person goes and sleeps with five people, what?

What happens in the spirit is that this person is now connected to all the people that they’ve connected to.

So now their lives are all tied up together because their souls are connected. 

So let’s just say you’ve slept with one person.

And this person has slept with five people, and those five people have slept with five people, but they’re all tied up as a soul.

And then when you go and connect with them, now you’re all tied up and all of that. I did not know that was true.

I had heard about it before and I said it before, but oh my God.

I remember when I was married I felt like I was going crazy.

If you have been reading my articles for a while and you heard me say this, I felt like I was going crazy for a very long time.

I cried so often in our marriage, just crying, and I just could not stop crying and I thought I was going.

And it was not until I chose to leave the marriage that I heard God say, “Well, what is happening to you is this is the soul ties you’re experiencing.”

All the torment that he is experiencing now is tormenting you.

And I was like, “Gosh!” I didn’t know what he was dealing with mentally because he had never told me what was happening with him mentally.

But it started, it was a nightmare on Elmer Street. That’s the best way I can.

So that made me now realize that I really don’t wanna be tied up with a person until it’s right.

But that also made me go, “Let me make sure that I’ve gone through my deliverance.”

And that when I start dating someone that I’m like, “Hey, I think you’re great, but this is what I’m doing for my soul. This is what I need you doing for your soul so that we are cleaned up as best as we can.”

Because good God.

And I know it sounds really deep, but it’s true. It’s in the Bible.

Now the third thing, the reason why you wanna wait to have sex to get married is because you won’t have any guilt.

And you won’t have any need to repent for having sex before marriage.

I remember all the times I’ll be going to church, and I felt so guilty.

I felt like the prophets could see me.

I felt like I just felt so guilty all the time because we were having sex before marriage or even when we, it was just awful.

Just me, not nothing about him.

Just me knowing that I was acting as if I wasn’t having sex and I was.

And the guilt that I felt and how distant I felt like God was.

God was still there.

But I was kind of distant from him.

Like how Adam and Eve were when they ate the apple, they were hiding themselves. 

That was me.

And I just felt so shameful when I was having sex.

And so I’m like, I just don’t want that.

I want to be able to, in my own self know that I practice discipline.

Know that I did my best to honor God and then he did as well.

And so that when that time comes and we are able to have sex within marriage, that we just don’t have that guilt and that shame, and we don’t have to repent for that.

There’s enough to repent about.

I definitely don’t wanna have to repent for that.

The fourth reason why you wanna wait to have sex to get married is because you get to learn more about yourself in the dating journey without physical intimacy.

So one of the things that I have learned about myself and then watching other people is that people that are not kissing and having sex and all that type of stuff, they are talking about so much.

All the time, they’re just talking about so much.

You’re really, really, really, really, really getting to know a person.

You’re getting to not having them on a pedestal.

You’re getting this opportunity to really know what makes this person tick?

What is good and not so good?

This has given you the opportunity.

I think a lot of times we get into relationships and we ask some hard questions, but we don’t ask really hard penetrating questions over and over and over again because we are afraid that if we do, the person will leave.

Well, this allows you to go.

If this person has an intent of marriage and you had the intent of marriage, this allows you to really ask questions.

What is really going on? What are your real money habits like? When you are upset, what do you do? When you are afraid, when you are triggered, do you know what your triggers are? What would cause you to fight? What would cause you to cheat? What are your thoughts about cheating? Do you believe that cheating is emotional as well?

What kind of boundaries do you have with women? Because you know a man, if he is dating me, he’s gotta be attracted cause I have to be attracted to him.

That means other women will find him attractive.

What are boundaries that you have in place to where if a woman tries to date you or someone from your past tries to call or text you? 

What are the things that you will do or say to protect our relationship? Where I don’t have to come to you and say, “Hey, I don’t like that.”, but you will actually have your own things in place to do that.

What are your boundaries on social media? What are your boundaries in movies?

Like if you know there’s gonna be a scene, the sex scene, where they’re gonna have sex, and the sounds and all the things, what are your boundaries in place that’s gonna make you not continue watching?

I know for me, when I’m watching people kiss, I wanna be kissed when I’m watching somebody have sexual relations, it makes your girl excited.


And so what I have started doing over the last couple years when I got divorced, we would start kissing. I kind of look away cuz I want to be kissed, right?

Then after they start going into the sex scene, clothes start coming out.

I just muted and I looked away because I wanted that for myself.

I want to experience that.

And my body knows what it feels like to have that level of intimacy.

I’ve gotta put some boundaries in place. Like me and my best friend were talking, I was like, “Girl, this dude can’t ever make it to my house.”

And she said, “What do you mean never?”

I said, “No, he can’t make it until we’re like all the way there.”

She asked why I said, “Because I know me very well. I will seduce him. I will do whatever I got to do and I will seduce him.”

I know me really well. I know me really, really well.

And it’s just certain things I would not do.

I will not go to the beach with him. I would go wearing a coverup, right? I won’t go with all letting it all hang out.

One, it’s like a bra and panties. It just is. So I’m not gonna cause him to be like, “Oh my God, look, I heard Donkey Kong.”

So that’s just me.

I would just make sure that I get to know myself. Also protecting us during that time.

But also it really allows me to get to know me, like I said earlier, that if we’re talking and talking and talking and he’s asking me certain questions that I may have never been asked before, I’m able to like, hear myself.

I’m able to think and go, “Huh, I have never thought about that. Let me get back to you with the answer to that.”

And now I’m learning so much more about myself, but not only that, I’m able to spend time with God.

And go “This man just asked me this question that I’ve never been asked before, that I’ve never thought about before.”

I am just talking to God or maybe my friend about it to discover what my actual answer is.

Because  in relationships, you may think you’re good or that you have to share everything.

But it’s not until someone goes deeper, deeper, deeper, deeper in a way that no one has ever gone before that you realize. “Oh, there’s something about myself I did not know and I learned it through this expression.”

Last thing is you’ll learn how to become intimate emotionally and mentally.

You are gonna learn how this man or woman’s mind will stimulate you, not in a way that you wanna have sex.

But it’s gonna be like, I’d like just the level of emotional connection and mental connection that will super exceed anything that could possibly happen in the bedroom, so to speak.

That’s why shows like “Love is Blind”, where you’ve got people that are in two rooms. They can’t see each other for 10 days, but they’re talking for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours at a time.

This is how at the end of 10 days, he will say “I love you” because they have spent so much time with each other getting to know each other, asking the hard questions.

And so the same thing is true if you wait to have sex to get married.

And let’s just say you’ve been dating them for a year.

That’s a lot of time to really get to know a person emotionally and mentally and spiritually.

Then when you do actually enter into marriage and you have sex, it is an extremely another level of intimacy  that we all want.

Now, does this mean it’s gonna be easy?

No, because she is gonna be fine. He is gonna be fine.

It just is what it is.

You’re gonna be attracted to them, but over the feelings that you have or wanting to express that with them, your love for God, your Honor for God, is what’s gonna keep you right.

And so that’s this topic. I know it was a little bit lengthy, uh, but I wanted to share this with you because I really feel like, in today’s time, it’s not talked about enough.

It’s not talked about enough in a raw, real type of way.

We need to talk about it.

We need the opportunity to talk about it.

So that people talk about it so that we can go, “Yeah. I feel like that too. I wanna get it on. I wanna do this. it’s just real.” 

Furthermore, going on a journey with God can prove to be one of the most amazing experiences of your life, but it can also prove to be a little confusing. 

And I want to walk alongside you and help you to not only fall more in love with Jesus than you are today, but truly discover all that lies within you. 

The bible identifies 25 different spiritual gifts that are still in operation today, and it may be surprising to you, but one or some may also lie within YOU!

We have created this simple quiz that is designed to be a guide for you. 

Take the quiz here and be sure to share it with your friends.